Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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