Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
