I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
