Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
