Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I'm just crazy horny about you
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
