you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Randomize
