Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
