Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
