Your face is a jimmy john
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
