sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I just gargled with NyQuil
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
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