We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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