wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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