we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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