no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
