My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
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