so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
