someone owes me an orgasm
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
