i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
