You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
