How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Randomize
