can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
