I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
