I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Randomize
