I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
