could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
