This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
