this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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