just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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