ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
