Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Randomize
