Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
