After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
