That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
