Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
