dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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