since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
