Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
