My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
