I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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