Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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