I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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