i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
