In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
