A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
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