I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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