I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
