this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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