I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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