She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
