How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
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