Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
When are your genitals available?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
