Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
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