I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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