i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
