i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
