I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Randomize
