I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
worst night to have a conscience
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
