The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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