I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
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